Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
