was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
