God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
