i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
me + whiskey = a bad person
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
