i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
