she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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