xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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