All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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