so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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