Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
