I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
