I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
