I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
