I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
