I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize