We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
