I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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