our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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