all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize