the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
