If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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