i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
