Sry I called you an 8
That's intense
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
