He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
