I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
