My sheets look like a crime scene.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I color on your dick again?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
