you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
