Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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