Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
