Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
