Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
