I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
