May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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