we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
