I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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