home. puking in laundry basket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
