Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
