My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize