I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
