he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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