Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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