have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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