I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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