Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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