Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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