he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
