I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
