ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
