just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
