Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
