I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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