I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
