I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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