the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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