please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
