Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
