So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
