I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize