i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
