The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
