Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize