What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
