I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
