Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
