New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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