How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
