thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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