does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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