Please, let me fuck your mom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
