Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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