That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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