So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
