you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
