I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
