im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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