Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
