My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
