YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Buhtt sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
