Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
