What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
