what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
