I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
