Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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