WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
