Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
