OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
