Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
