You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize