i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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