And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
