eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
