My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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