i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
