i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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