he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
