ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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