His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
