he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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